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<title> Living in The Liminal:

Finding Enjoyment in between two lives

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I first heard about Liminal Spaces from my teenage sons, who were very interested in the mysterious Backrooms YouTube videos last year. The videos and games showed vast, abandoned commercial spaces- like empty corporate offices, or sprawling beige hallways, with monsters jumping out here and there. I was very curious about this- were they interested in the demise of malls and shopping centers? Was it a comment on the soulless architecture of corporate America? Were my sons interested in anti-consumerism?

When asked, the best they could define Liminal to me was “Just kind of weird. A place that looks like it’s here but it’s in another dimension, so you’re not supposed to be there.” I tried to connect to what makes these normally busy spaces creepy is that they are now empty, and human spaces can be much more uninviting than nature. But they weren’t too interested. As all things like this go for the parent of teens, I googled for some reassurance. Here is the Oxford Languages definition of liminal:

1. Occupying a position at, or on both sides of, a boundary or threshold.
2. Relating to a transitional or initial stage of a process.
   

The term had a vague pull at the back of my mind- it was familiar, but not clear. A bit like a liminal space? Once I looked up the word and gave my sons the correct definition (teachable moment), my brain started to consider this idea. How many things in our world are not confined to one area, but exist in two places at once?

As our dutiful brains do once tasked with a query- also known as how we googled in the 90s- I started to notice connections everywhere in my world:

• A tree with half of its leaves beautiful orange and dying, and half of its leaves green and still alive.
• The lives of teens- at once fully immersed in the games and interactions of children, but also actively striving for their independence and to be taken seriously.
• Being stuck in the middle of an argument- stepping into both people’s shoes, and understanding both of their positions at the same time.
• Cleaning the litterbox and taking the trash out, while pondering the mysterious nature of the Earth and our own mortality (makes it much more enjoyable, just try it).

Later in the bookstore, I found the only book I’ve seen with Liminal in the title -Weave the Liminal- where Laura Tempest Zakroff speaks about inhabiting both traditional and modern, human and Earthly, mundane and spiritual spaces at the same time with respect and integrity. Then the TV show Severence came out. The setting is a grey corporate labyrinth, and the entire storyline is around the interaction of our two worlds- life and work. Can you sever the connection between the two for a better work/life balance? Or should you exist in both?

Severance and the grey corporate labyrinth, pic from IMDB.com

<H1> Two things can be true

The world is not black and white, it is full of grey complexity (see pic above). The world is vast, and there are so many people, systems, and frameworks that our brains do not have the capacity to understand it all. We need to keep things simple in order to have an effective processing and operating system, which is why we categorize and label. Just like we do at home- dirty dishes go there, clean ones there. But there’s freedom in that grey space- the freedom to be both, to explore, to accept, to grow, and to change.

Sometimes, you can be in two worlds at once, and it creates peace in you:

• Knowing you are good just as you are, and trusting you will continue to grow.
  
• Recognizing you feel frustrated with someone’s actions, and feeling empathy for why they’ve done it.
  
• Hearing your inner critic, and still standing strong in your value.
  
• Feeling fear, and acting anyways (courage).
  

Sometimes you can be in two opposing worlds at once, and it creates conflict within you:

• Being grateful for your life and everything in it, and still wanting more.
  
• Being a strong and competent leader to others, and not leading yourself.
  
• Knowing you’re well-liked, and not liking yourself.
• Being highly respected, and not respecting yourself.
  
• Having feelings of emptiness, and not sure what you are empty of.

Some people live in this conflicted state for years. The strain between where they are and where they want to go is excruciating. Thankfully this pressure from the conflict is enough to help them seek the change they need to resolve the inner turmoil. The grey space pushed them to act.

<H1>Accepting two spaces helps us change

Another way to look at being in two places at once is to consider the middle space shared by both. If we go back to the Oxford Languages Second definition of the word liminal:

<H2> 2. Relating to a transitional or initial stage of a process.

Being in between two stages of life, able to lean back or forward as we feel comfortable is how we try out new strategies, ideas, and ways of living. It’s also how we cement the past into our present, and decide how much of it we want to bring to our future. Being in this in-between, grey stage is exactly where the real transformation happens- day by day, one tiny step after another, one belief built on top of the other. Even if the change has been imposed upon us, we work through it one step, day by day until we have gotten used to our new reality. Chances are we may not be aware of this while it happens, disregard our consistent progress, and fret that we aren’t at the future or desired outcome yet. (Less likely, now that you’re reading this article.)

That yellow line needs to be much wider….. the Present is where we integrate our Past and craft our Future!

In my desert island book, Transitions, William Bridges calls this liminal space between two worlds- the Neutral Zone. After an ending, but before a beginning, we exist in this period without time, structure, or clarity. As we work to understand what has ended, we take time to uncover what it means for us. We stay in the hazy grey fog, unsure when to lean into the past, and when to lean into the future. We collect data, reflect, experiment with both sides, and begin to create a clearer idea about where we would like to go, or where we would like to stay. This is when people seek me out for coaching.

For most people, this can be incredibly destabilizing, unnerving, and uncertain. It is not a comfortable space to be in the grey fog. This discomfort can motivate us to move in one direction or the other. Bit by bit the next steps look clearer, and we have more information on how we’d like to make our new steps forward (or backward).

Repeat this process for every transition that ever happens to you.

You may be in a transition right now.

<H1> Enjoy the grey where you can

Even though this liminal space can feel nebulous and unpredictable, it is exactly where your possibilities begin to appear. No longer rooted in one space, you are pulled to another, and have a moment to consider what your experience in life could be. In order for your vision to have room to grow, you need space and a bit of nothingness for it to grow stronger.

Personally, learning about this has made me identify the different stages of transitions I have gone through in my life. There were definite times I craved space in my head and in my life, which I wrote about here and here. I began to notice every time I cleared space in my home, I was also doing so in my mind. I originally chalked this down to having too much input and stress, and the space calmed me. But looking back, I see that every time I did this was right before a big, new idea took shape. I would go through cycles of gathering information, absorbing it, clearing the space, and creating something new from it. It has taken my whole adult life to realize this is my learning pattern, this is my creative ecosystem, and this is what I do in my liminal space.

Recently I noticed the signs of the grey area between something old and something new- information gathering, absorption, space clearing, allowing for nothing in my head. Once I noticed what was happening, I was able to release the worry around the uncertainty of not knowing, of not deciding. I recognized it as my transition cycle, and BOOM before I knew it, my ideas were out and began to be integrated into a new way of being. They had been slow cooking in the liminal crockpot that whole time, as I opened the lid to add more spices as time went on. Now after writing down the recipe, and clearing the table, the meal is ready.

Tips for enjoying the liminal, in-between, grey space, crockpot of life:

• Look for the magic in what is possible here. How is it different than your typical experience? What does this new space allow you to do?
• Try something new and watch what happens closely. Then try something else.
• Notice what you are learning about yourself. Notice where you are growing.
• Try a new version of yourself out — what does your gut tell you to bring forward in your life? Your head? Your heart?
• Reflect on other grey times- what followed them? What did you do during the grey times?

< <H1> Conclusion

The more you become aware of how you are learning and growing every day, the easier it is to manage your emotions and mindset. You begin to give yourself more compassion, and others in your circle too. You move from being obsessed with the outcome to respecting the process and what becomes developed in yourself. I have seen this growth in my clients but also in myself as a human, a mother, a wife, a coach, a business owner, and a lifelong learner, and it makes my life more enjoyable, meaningful, peaceful, and full. Notice what stage of change you are in, and what it means for how you experience your world. It will change your life if you let it!

H1> Liminality in Important Spaces:

• Liminal Music: The liminal soundtrack I listened to as I wrote this- Nobody Music. Music nerds: Why is it liminal? Little rhythm, pitch, and chord movement, so it neither advances or moves forward, just hovers in the present.
• Liminal Art: Just Between Us… What Is the Secret Appeal of Liminal Spaces?
  
• Liminal Movement: Dancing in a Liminal Space
  
• Liminal Architecture: the Cult Following of the Liminal Space
  

Need support enjoying your liminality, or moving to the next stage of your experience?

I can help with that! As a trained developmental coach, I have supported many clients through these grey moments, whether they be pleasant or nerve-wracking. Read more on how I work, and schedule a 1–1 Clarity Session so we can begin to shine some light on these grey spaces! All the best, Tina

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